the boy
he’s small. he’s sweet. he’s too smart for his own good.
he tries to act tough.
his friends in the school yard find a birds’ nest.
they take it from the tree.
they smash it into bits.
they kill whatever life there was.
he yells at them.
he cries.
they laugh.
he runs.
they let him.
he gets older, but no bigger.
he is handsome. he is witty. he is charming.
he has friends.
good friends.
guy friends. girl friends.
he pretends in plays. he plays in sports. he wishes he was better in both.
he gets hurt in football.
he promised not to touch the ball.
he touched it.
he gets angry.
i look in his deep brown eyes and see the pain he hides there.
he tries to be stoic.
he tries not to cry.
my heart breaks for him.
his father has closed the door.
no reason.
no call.
he gets angrier.
he hates life.
he hates me.
he sneaks out to hang with friends.
he sneaks out to have a life.
he sneaks out to laugh.
laughter disguising the pain.
i’m helpless.
i try to tell him what has happened to me.
i see the stone mask his face becomes.
he doesn’t want to know.
it doesn’t concern him.
that’s my problem.
he has his own.
what happened to my sweet boy?
he’s gone.
he’s on his own.
he’s fine.
ask him, he’ll tell you.
he’s fine.
he’s fine.
he’s fine.
i look into his deep brown eyes and see the pain he hides there.
i can’t touch it.
i can’t move it.
i can’t take it from him.
all i can do is wait…
…and tell him i love him more than he’ll ever know.
It breaks my heart to read it. I can only imagine how it broke your heart to live it.
Comment by mamalife — December 3, 2005 @ 6:38 pm
Through the Dark Madness you have posted some very powerful pieces. From the corner of my eye I can see a reflection of my relationship with my mother growing up. So much blame I put on her shoulders. So many times I failed to listen. It is only now years later that I fully understand how much she sacrificed for myself and my siblings. By sharing this you have given me a perspective I never received from my mom. She has never been one to open up in this way. Thank you for allowing me to see a bit of what she may have felt.
Comment by Darrell — December 3, 2005 @ 10:44 pm
Wow…that is awesome!
Comment by Amanda — December 5, 2005 @ 1:15 pm
Your writings are just amazing. I loved this one.
Comment by Beckett Amelia Hughes — December 7, 2005 @ 8:16 am
You really need to publish all of this. You manage to say things, to put feelings into words, that we all have hidden inside but can never quite grasp hold of enough to articulate. You are amazing.
Comment by she falters to rise — December 8, 2005 @ 6:01 am
This cut close to the bone for me. It was both beautiful and painful to read. My son talks to me but I see the pain in his eyes too.
Comment by Hope — December 9, 2005 @ 8:32 am
This is quite touching, Sue.
Comment by BTude a.k.a. GlassHoppah — December 10, 2005 @ 12:24 am
Very poignant. I have two little boys who bring tears to my eyes with their deep, serious minds. I know this is coming.
Comment by Edie — February 6, 2006 @ 3:24 pm